I just realized lately that my son Rocco doesn't like loud noises, or voices for that matter. Two times, I raised my voice (not to him, of course), while he was around, and he cried so hard each time. My heart was crushed, and I felt so guilty afterwards. I promised myself I would never do that again, if it means I have to control my temper, manage my moods, or just eat my pride.
The first time..
Sieg and I were arguing in the car because we misunderstood each other's instructions on where to meet after Rocco's pedia checkup. We split ways after seeing the doctor because I was still paying, and he had to go to the CR. Because I was insistent that I was right, I started raising my voice to prove my point. Suddenly, the little boy cried hard. It's so unusual because he rarely cries! We all stopped talking, and when he heard silence, he stopped crying too. I wanted to cry that moment :(
The second time..
I was giving Rocco his night time bath. I removed his cloth diaper, and there were fabrics from the cloth that was sticking to his bum. Worse, his bum was reddish. When I checked the diaper, it was stained, and looks like Zonrox was the cause. I have instructed the helpers from the start to never use Zonrox on Rocco's clothes. I have repeated in SO MANY TIMES to them. Haaaay, I was tired from work, and the helper was right there pretending to be innocent, and that made me so mad. I scolded the helper, and in the middle of it all, the little boy cried so hard again. I immediately stopped talking and consoled him. He looked at me, as if telling me, "Mommy, please don't raise your voice." I wanted to cry again :(
This is a big learning for me as a first time mother. I must always remind myself that I'm not single anymore, and every spoken word that comes from my mouth may strike a chord with my son.
Motherhood is really tough. It takes a lot of balance, and the end point is always doing what's best for your child.
Very hard, but still worth it...for my son.